Van Dyke

On Slate.com's Political Gabfest, Mr. Plotz asked why so many Republicans wear Van Dyke beards. I'm no expert but...

Here's why I wear a "Van Dyke" beard-

1) I'm overweight - As I gained weight over the years, my neck slowly took over and destroyed my "chin line", that natural line that shows where my neck ends and my face begins. I hide the fact that the line is missing by having a beard that specifically says- "My chin is right here!" or at least- "this is where it used to be".

2) I look young when my face is bald - I once read that Andy Warhol prematurely dyed his hair grey in order to appear older. Apparently, youth was not something that was helping him get taken seriously in the art world. It seems, currently, there is a movement towards natural grey hair, but I have a feeling that there are a number of folks that don't want to really appear old, just more "serious". When I shave off my beard, I seem to get ten years younger - everybody I know tells me as much. I have a feeling that there are a lot of "baby faced" gentlemen that need a beard so they don't have to hear "shayna punim" (or whatever the gentile equivalent is) whenever they walk into a room.

3) Van Dykes were hip twenty minutes ago - In the late eighties I had a pony tail. I'm sure a lot of the people that you see with Van Dykes were the same type of people who wore pony tails in the eighties. They are under the illusion that they can look "business" and still be "edgy". This is the same mistake a lot of people with mullets made.

Now, as to the question- Why, specifically, the Van Dyke?

The Van Dyke beard is a well maintained beard- its shape instantly shows that the wearer cares about their appearance. When I grow more of a beard, I start to look like Bluto from the old Popeye cartoons. Very few people actually want to look like Bluto.